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Bagenders Episode 3 By Inwai and Ololay This is dedicated to summer. Have we told you lately how much we love you? Show Business It was 3 AM. A line stretched out the door of the place claiming to be a bakery. Following the principle "if there is a line, there must be a reason," the Fellowship got in back of a group of twenty-somethings, all dressed for clubbing. Pippin tapped one on the shoulder. "No, down here. So, what are they selling?" "The cupcakes." "What?" "Cupcakes!" Pippin was confused. Maybe this was some American slang. There was no way that all these partiers in Greenwich village actual wanted small childish deserts. He whispered to Merry: "This stuff has to be good. " Yet, when they got inside the small crowded room, they found...cupcakes? Pink, yellow and green frosting covered sheets and sheets of cupcakes which people were hurriedly packing into boxes. At the counter, was one of the twins. Much to the annoyance of the customers, he promptly abandoned his post, and ran over, shouting "Escapee dudes!" "Shhhhhh!!!!!!" "Okay, then, IMMIGRANT DUDES!" "What are all these people doing here?" "Haven't you heard of the city that doesn't sleep?" He grabbed a plate of purple/chocolate cupcakes and started up stairs in the back. Aragorn whacked Merry when he tried to steal another on the sly. They all trooped upstairs. "Are they Special Cupcakes?" "Nope, just cupcakes." This was very strange, and they weren't sure to believe it, but then, with the twins you really never knew. ********************** The next morning they were gathered around the kitchen table. The twins where no where to be found. Legolas was investigating the cabinets, shocked at the amount of sugar that can be crammed into one piece of cereal, when they heard: "Dudes! Like, you're here!" The Twins appeared out of nowhere. They were both wearing red vests, and both were covered in red buttons that said, "I went to the TKTS booth!" Elrohir had one pinned to a very painful looking place. "Isn't that dangerous to put on?" asked Merry, pointing. Both of the Twins began to laugh. "Naw, dude. I put it on the pants before I put on the pants themselves." "Except for that time you forgot, dude! And then you tried to pin it on at work!" "Dude! Yeah! I totally forgot about that! I was walking funny for, like, a week!" Legolas interrupted their little male bonding experience. "Work? You've got jobs? Where?" Elrohir gestured to the ill-placed button. "The TKTS booth?" "Wot's that?" asked Pippin. "Dude! We sell discount tickets to Broadway shows!" Legolas raised an eyebrow. "But don't worry, elf-dude, it's legal this time." "Yeah, it's like, a company. With, like, people. And uniforms!" "Dude! Dude!" Elladan was jumping up and down. "What?" "I was thinking..." "You were?" Elladan punched Merry in the arm. "We should all go to a show! That, like, what all the tourists do! We'll meet you later. In times square!" ************************** Legolas looked at his watch and sighed. The Twins were late. He glanced up at his surroundings and shuddered. Here he was, in Times Square. In front of a giant Cup Noodles advertisement that emitted realistic-looking steam. There was literally a Starbucks coffee shop on every corner. People were brushing rudely past them, not even looking twice at them. There were cars speeding everywhere, and taxi drivers were yelling at each other, going through red lights, and honking horns. A bike cab was going the wrong way up a one-way street. He was sure he was in Hell. "They were supposed to be here forty-five minutes ago," grumbled Frodo. "Ah'm hungry," groaned Pippin. "You're always hungry," Merry shot back. "Look what Men have done to the world," Aragorn muttered. "They've ruined it. Stupid cars. Stupid skyscrapers. Stupid pollution." "There are no gardens," whined Sam. "Not a tree in sight, save Central Park, and those look so.... fake!" "It's not so bad," said Gimli. Everyone stared at him. "BOTTLE!" The gazes shifted from Gimli to Gandalf. "Oh shut up." When you have a group of people with such...diverse...tastes as our heroes, it is perhaps understandable that they were unable to agree on which musical. To prevent hobbiticide, it was decided they would split up. “Do you have any tickets to Cats?” The guy working behind the counter looked down at the bearded man in the helmet, unsure of what to do. “Cats?” he asked. He tried to suppress a laugh. “Aye, laddie,” the man growled. “I’m sorry, sir, but Cats is no longer showing on Broadway.” “NOT SHOWING ON BROADWAY?!” This came as a shock to Gimli, who was a bit behind the times. “No, sir. It’s been off for almost six years.” “BUT I WANT TO SEE CATS! CATS!” The TKTS guy began to feel embarrassed as people in line and on the street began to stare. “Gimli,” said Legolas. “Maybe you should choose a different show.” “Hrmph.” Gimli couldn’t shake off a feeling of lonely disappointment. His lifelong dream, crushed. “Fine. One ticket to Phantom of the Opera, please.” Meanwhile, at the next counter over, Merry, Pippin and Gandalf were sexually harassing the clerk. “Three to Chicago, please. Wanna make it a foursome?” Gandalf tried (and failed) to look sexy. Pippin tried to lift his head above the counter. “Yeah, I need to si’ on someone’s lap so Ah kin see!” “Here are your tickets, sir,” the woman said coldly. **************** “Alright. Everyone who’s going to see Avenue Q, stand over there.” Sam, Frodo and the Twins tried to stand where Legolas was pointing, only to have to jump back in an effort to not be killed by a taxi. “Everyone who’s seeing Chicago, stand over to the left.” Gandalf, Merry and Pippin moved, their excitement mounting with each passing minute. “And that leaves the three of us for Phantom. Okay, everyone. Meet back outside the cupcake shop when your shows are over, which should be around six. If you’re not there, then you won’t be eating dinner.” He glared at the Terrible Threesome, who promptly hid the pamphlets for strip clubs which they had been handed while standing in line at TKTs. **************** “Duuude. I can’t believe you guys are seeing this show. I mean, it totally doesn’t seem like you.” Frodo and Sam looked at each other. “What do you mean by that, Elrohir?” “Dude. You’re so, like.... you.” Unable to make sense of this, the Hobbits took their seats. “I’m excited to see this. I’ve always loved puppetry. I wonder why there aren’t many children here?” “I don’t know, Mr. Frodo. Maybe they’re all at home studying.” “That’s probably right. Such good students. I’m glad you’re here with me, Sam.” “I know, Mr. Frodo.” **************** “Welcome. Ladies and Gentlemen, you are about to see a story of murder, greed, corruption, violence, exploitation, adultery, and treachery - all those things we all hold near and dear to our hearts. Thank you.” Merry, Pippin and Gandalf all grinned as the announcer, wearing an outfit that basically consisted of silky black lingerie and fishnets, finished her speech. This was their kind of show. **************** At 6 o’clock pm on the dot, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli arrived at the cupcake shop. “Well, that was interestin’,” growled Gimli, still angry about not seeing Cats but nevertheless thrilled to have seen what was, in his opinion, the second-greatest musical of all time. “I wonder where the others are?” Legolas didn’t have long before his question was answered. He heard the familiar gibbering that meant Frodo was having another episode, followed by yells of “Dude! Dude! He’s all psycho and stuff, dude!” came towards them from down the street. “Oh no. Here it goes again.” “P-p-p-puppet-t-ts...” trembled Frodo. Aragorn and Legolas looked at each other, then at him, and finally at the Twins and Sam. They all shrugged. “Puppets do dirty things” Frodo’s eyes turned evil, and he began to sound like Gollum. “Dirty, unclean things....” Legolas raised an eyebrow. “Pippin-like things.” Ah. That explained it.
Next up: Maybe a Random Slashy Interlude? We're not very good slash writers, though, so it may take a while. Notes:
"Avenue Q” well, Ololay really really really wants to see it. It’s got puppets and insults George W. Bush. NOT FOR CHILDREN! Some song titles include, “The Internet is for Porn” and “I’m Not Wearing Underwear Today”. Yeah. But hey, it won the Tony. So it has to be good. And “For Now” and “Purpose” are the best songs, like, ever! |